Strumming Strategist T-Shirts

"That's lovely, but a hard copy version of your resume should suffice."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"The time has come for some tough cost-cutting decisions, and I'm forced to ask myself, do we really need a bass?"

CEO Escape

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

Office Canteen: 'Getting in a consultant is win-win for us... we'll get the credit if it's a success - but, if it all goes wrong, we've got someone else to blame!'

'I should never have married a bloody referee.'

"Potatoes...betroot...carrots...fracking..."

This is called "The Ballad of a Self-Taught Guitarist."

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

Air Sitar.

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'Governor game change and his replacement debate moderators...'

"I'm in advertising. . ."

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."

"Howard, you've met my ukulele ladies before."

"Since the merger we've managed to engotiate joint strategy, budgets, and client support...But they still can't agree on who has the office stapler."

'This is Phillips. He's our new idea man.'

Guitar emergency.

'After all these years of purposely losing to the boss, I beat the pulp out of him and turned in my resignation.'

"I'd fire him in a minute, but the old man thinks we need his unique perspective around here."

Need money for lessons

'Are you sure this is the best strategy to find new customers?'

"Any cocktail can be a shrimp cocktail if you just set your mind to it, and if you carry lots of loose shrimp in your pocket."