Stressful Job Holder Pillows

'I haven't managed to cut them out completely but I have cut back to only one cup of coffee and one cigarette per day.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'I want to empower you to fulfill your potential! If you can work 16 hours today, then your 20-hours shift tomorrow should really elevate your self-esteem'!

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"Gentlemen, I've called this meeting to discuss absenteeism."

'Maybe we did pile too much work on his desk.'

"I think your idea of stress relief is drastic!"

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

Death Boss

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

Next, I recall looking down at myself and thinking, God, what a drama queen.

Take your time coming back...they're looking for scapegoats.

Sinking sales

"I'm your exit strategy."

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

Yoga.

"It's our latest targets...We have to do twice as much with half the stuff in a quarter of the time!"

"Stupid HR says you can only fire them..."

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

'I don't know what to do about my check - grief or anger counseling.'

'Make your wishes, but I can't promise anything regarding jobs.'

Sold It All.

'You're having a mid-life crises...'

'How did things go at the office today?'

'Jones, I have asked this officer to arrest you on the grounds that you are a serial time killer.'

'I'm certainly no expert on the matter, but throwing the copier out the window just may be a sign you're suffering from stress.'

'I don't known why these people are always complaining... we give them stimulating challenging work.'

"When given a choice, a lot of them prefer eternal torment over being stuck in a 9 to 5 job."