Stress-free Lifestylers Gifts

'Our reputation for longevity is based on several factors: hard work, simple food, lack of stress and the inability to count correctly.'

To be an alpha male, little buddy, you've got to live like you've got nothing left to lose. I don't know, Randy. How could I just stop worrying about losing my dream job, or losing my life savings, or losing my looks ... or losing the respect of other men and the respect and adoration of the ladies? Good news and bad. Good: If you've never had any of that stuff, you can skip right to the "nothing left to lose" part. Ok ... and the bad?

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"Our therapist couple be so proud of us now."

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

Imagine there's no office...

"Don’t call the fire department — this is the most relaxed I’ve felt in years."

"Yeah, your inner child called. They want a nap, a juice box, and a restraining order." "Ruining whoops, running a country is tough. Maybe I need to relax and channel my inner child."

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

'An 'out' box AND and 'in' box? Hey' I don't need that kind of stress!'

I know hard work pays off in the long run, but goofing off has such immediate rewards!

"I'm burning my little black dresses and moving upstate."

"There's the handoff, and it looks like Dad is going to go with an option route, avoiding the rush from the dishwasher, sweeping left, evading the teenager blitz and heading directly to the liquor store!"

Self-Isolatteion

"My goodness, your back is really knotted up this morning, isn't it?"

'He's just come back from a 'stress management' course.'

'I realize working in the Complaints Department can be tough. But it must be a thrill to work with the public on a daily basis.'

"Any idiot can take the rat out of the race. The trick is getting the race out of the rat!"

'Call me lazy if you want, but I wouldn't trade my life with anybody else's...'

"Shopping was stress-free this year because I started early and didn't give a s**t what I bought."

"Do you ever get that 'Monday morning' feeling?"

'Ned, your repressed angst keeps tipping over and blocking my light.'

"For heaven's sake try to relax now you're retired."

'Sigh!'

Dot to Dot Magazine

Simple Pleasures of the Non-Commuter

'Hard Day?'

"We're getting reports that doctors are getting burned out from trying to help their 
patients who can't afford their medications, so I've come up with a plan. We'll 
market a new drug to help with physician burnout!"

"Mr. Clark isn't here today. He called in sick of the whole thing."

"Could you help me to fit 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'No thanks - just wanted to stop and smell them.'

Dark cloud over an office.

"I haven't been in because I've been tearing it out myself."

"You have reached someone who does not answer the phone after 8 p.m. If this is a matter of life and death, it will likely be resolved by morning."