Stress-busting Satirist Pillows

"Staff shortages and increased workloads means all leave has been cancelled...but as compensation we are being offered enhanced toilet breaks!"

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'Don't believe everything you read.'

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

"Endless Summer III"

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

"What do you think of the new cubicles?"

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

Struggling chef.

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

A street of old man bars.

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

'Reconstructive surgery'

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'

Doc, I firmly believe in portion control as long as I control them!

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

'...And here, on line 27, where you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'....'

'I stand here before you with a heavy heart. There is a growing wheat intolerance in our land, and that makes my stomach turn...But get this! They say that's what we're doing to them!'

'I was working on little Billy's ant-farm, but lately, he's been more interested in computer games...'

'I see you're aware of the problem with the phones.'