Storyline Speculator T-Shirts

'This is where it gets tricky. I see 3 alternate endings and a director's cut.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

'Sue didn't watch soap operas all the time. She also reads books'

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"My name's Edwin, and I'm addicted to risk."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"What the hell happened to this town?"

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

"Facts are good, but we need all the rumors, gossip, and speculation to fully understand the situation."

'The market dropped sharply on the rumor that new sell off rumors in the financial sector will lead to more widespread rumors...'

Department of Pure Speculation.

International Speculators

'Yes, fifty to one is a great return on your money, but the muddy track makes it a risky investment.'

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

'Looks like the gods are angry.'

"...And that's the studio where we filmed the Moon Landing..."

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

"No one knows what he does, but it's rumored that he's the guy who sets global oil prices."

'And do you, Cathie, promise to advance Ed's narrative?'

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

Sell the Universe !

"Is there no escape from escapism?"

Just think if that meteor had never hit planet earth 65 million years ago...

Man reading a giant book.

Did we end last week with an awesome, startling cliffhanger, or what? I mean, there you dear reader were, thinking what incredible revelation is forthcoming? How could you hint that Sadie Cohen, resident irascible octogenarian, has a dark secret, and then just break for the weekend? And yet … despite the fact that we esteemed and handsome cartoonists taunted you with such a remarkable tease, such a breakthrough narrative moment, we have not been inundated with cards and letters begging for the t

Youtube reviews make me feel old, Randy. Well … they're always full of whining, nitpicky, smug people complaining that the film or tv show wasn’t easy enough to follow. Reviewers complain that characters actions "don't make sense," as if they unaware that people often don't make sense. Or that a scene wasn't "necessary," as if establishing character doesn't matter. They complain that the plot was "confused," but when I was growing up, that just meant the viewer wasn't paying enough attention. It

I'm so confused about Star Wars. Anakin Skywalker was good, then he turned into evil Darth Vader. It's just a movie, Timmy. It's important to remember that. Oh. What about Governor Cuomo. The dark side is powerful.

"Clever plot, but who can concentrate without some gratuitous sex and violence?"

"Well, you call them fairy tales, I call them fake news."

'That 'Jonah' story sounded FISHY to me!'

"You can tell you've been promoted over your level of competence when you stop wondering if you've been promoted over your level of competence."

Political Journalism

And so ended the years of preparation our hero refusing to whimper even now in his final, flopping moments.

"Arthur and I both like books with unreliable narrators. The problem is that he only reads nonfiction."

'Not really interested in the meaning of life. I want to know what's going to happen on my soaps?'