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'And do you, Cathie, promise to advance Ed's narrative?'

"You remember the ex-husband in chapter one who caused her to reassess her whole life and seek a spiritual awakening? That was me."

A Book Review of the Phone Book: A hefty paperback with too many characters and not enough plot development. Next week, we'll review a more complex work--your phone bill.

"This is a great video game based on a movie based on a video game!"

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'Where was the TSA?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Audio Books

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

Jacques et Jille

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

Hansel and Gretal

Alberich steals the gold

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"Personally, I loved your novel. Unfortunately, our e-book editor says it just doesn't work on the little screen!"

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'