Storybook Guru T-Shirts

'I hear they bought out Winken, Blinken and Nod.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Late night teddy reading

The Runaway Horse

Bookworm Sleepover

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

The Poky Little Pupa.

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"Where the wild things were."

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

Alice in Wonderland-Hare and Hatter putting Dormouse in Teapot

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

'He was a handsome young prince when I married him.'

Treasure Island Book.

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."