Storybook Guru T-Shirts

'I hear they bought out Winken, Blinken and Nod.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Late night teddy reading

The Runaway Horse

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Bookworm Sleepover

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"Where the wild things were."

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

Knights of the bedside table.

Treasure Island Book.

Alice in Wonderland-Hare and Hatter putting Dormouse in Teapot