Storybook Critic Pillows

'...and now you're huffing and puffing. What use is that to a wolf?'

"Okay... Auntie Em warned me about characters like you leading me astray. No courage, no brain, no heart... Oh my, you must be politicians."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

The Runaway Horse

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Where the wild things were."

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

Knights of the bedside table.

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'A coach would be nice. But vegetable will get me a BMW?'

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

Sleeping Beauty

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

"Well did he?"

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page