Storybook Buff Pillows

"I checked the references for Ms. Snow White. While one seemed quite happy, the others were just bashful, grumpy, or out and out dopey."

"The forest has been cleared, Little Red Riding Hood has gone because her grandma is now buying her stuff online and you're asking me why I started drinking? Seriously?"

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"Where the wild things were."

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

Cupid

Sleeping Beauty

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince