Storybook Collecting Pillows

"Okay, hold really still..."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"Where the wild things were."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

Little Princess.

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Cupid

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

Sleeping Beauty

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"