Story Summarizer T-Shirts

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"White Collar Prison"

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

Oliver Twist - Oliver Introduced to Fagin

"You think you're gonna whack me and this will be over?"

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'Why is it always about me?'

Moses as a mobster.

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

Undercover Biophysicists

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"If a tree falls in the forest and hits a certain individual, would he still be able to testify?"