Story Captain Gifts

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Upper class child with toy cruise ship.

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"Have I complimented you on marketing's renewed team spirit?"

Internet Cafe.

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

"It had an interesting emotional arc and some nice plot twists, but the heroine and subsidiary characters were unconvincing within the historical context."

Roald Dahl's books updated for modern sensitivities.

"Is this the home that needs an exorcism on a gamer?"

'I suspect the cow jumping over the moon is an illusion or swamp gas.'

Sportknitting

Cloning...Oops! Oxelot.

'Your mother and I are worried that all these video games may be having an effect on you.'

In-Tray, Out-Tray and Lost.

"Large destroyer on the horizon, captain."

"And all was good within the kingdom...until the evil prince introduced income tax!"

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

Adapt a highway, sponsored by the Screenwriter's Guild.

"When I come to edit my life, this will be a deleted scene."

'I'll publish it if you include a character obviously based on me.'

"Put a bit more expression into it..." "We can't tell the difference between the elephant and the mouse!"

"Unfortunately, they keep their shades drawn in that particular galaxy."

"I'm not just playing video games--I'm contributing to the zeitgeist of the times."

'It's for Sunday School, Mom -- I Googled 'Adam and Eve.''

Once a pirate always a pirate!

"I'm going to bed, I have an early tee time tomorrow."

Work life balance

Autobiographies.

"Spinning, reefing, tacking...they sound like a dress making circle."

'I got tired of trying to get it into one of those tiny bottles.'