Stone Lover Gifts

Your Sculpture while you wait.

'It's turned out well. Just a pity it went so woefully overbudget.'

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

Urns in love

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

The Sculptor

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

'Thank goodness next week we'll be in a new dynasty and we can make some other style of pottery.'

"Sorry boss...Elon said no more public spending...but folks will know it's you."

How oysters get engaged.

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

'Poor thing. He got left out in the acid rain.'

Unfinished Masterpiece.

"That's his answer to everything!"

"Apparently he needed an emergency hernia operation shortly afterwards!"

Stonehenge Ticket Office

"I had some upsetting news today… 'Fish gotta swim, Birds gotta fly'."

Artist and chiken

Artisanal Pottery

'Try to become less emotional, Mr Stone!'

'... And I've been meaning to talk to you, about what I found floating in the moat this morning!'

Paul McCartney

'I hear the Met office is predicting further Arctic weather conditions.'

Mouse eating the fruit in a picture

Planet of the Dems

Well, where's the last place you had it?