Stone Lovers Gifts

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

Early accounting scandals.

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

"The arms reduction talks are off to a good start -so far, we've agreed to ban pebbles."

The Sculptor

Used wheels

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

Sculptor making a statue to hug.

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

'Poor thing. He got left out in the acid rain.'

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"Apparently he needed an emergency hernia operation shortly afterwards!"

Unfinished Masterpiece.

Caveman and prostitute drinking at bar talking about the world's oldest profession - hitting a guy in the head with a rock.

'Is the fire included?'

'I invented the wheel, and to protect it, I invented the club.'

Paul McCartney

"There were hooves in my lunch! I told you I don't like hooves."

Planet of the Dems

'Try to become less emotional, Mr Stone!'

"Stop complaining, granite is in."

'- and this is the drawing room..'

'He also wants to be domesticated.'

'If you worked on inventing fire instead of that round thing, you wouldn't have to eat cold cuts.'

Daylight Savings Time comes to Stonehenge.