Stock Market Whiz Kid Pillows

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

Little league world series of poker.

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

"I don't have time for piggy banks. Can't I just buy an ATM?"

'That's my boy...'

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

Circa 1490: The area we now know as Wall Street.

'I know about the birds and the bees. Can you tell me about making a bundle trading derivatives?'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

"Good news. Pork bellies just dropped four points."

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

'Today the market roared back on news that greed is good for an ailing economy.'

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

'Last night Warren Buffett came to me in a dream and whispered in my ear, but it was just sexual.'

'I hardly expected the federal tapering affect my allowance.'

"All in favor of changing out name from '17th Federal Savings & Loan' to 'Still Here Bank'..."

"I learned about the birds and the bees in school. Now tell me about the bulls and bears."

'A 7 load? Do you think I was born yesterday? Oh, wait, I was.'

'Junior, if you don't do your homework and stop daytrading, we'll have to freeze your assets!'

Bank manager reads book entitled: Banking for Dummies.

Economic crisis.

"There's a lot of volatility in the market right now. It's a really exciting time to be in graphs."

'You were in commodities - cattle, stuff like that - so you must feel right at home here.'

'Is my allowance an unfunded liability?'

"I'm not goofing off. I'm letting my money work for me."

'Sure, I'll come on board for five-hundred times your average worker's wage, plus double that in stock options, and unlimited use of the corporate jet. Also free postage.'

"You are now $15,000 richer. I found the online password to your brokerage account 20 traders ago."

You can make a quick profit on that one, if you don't mind holding it for a couple of years