Stepmom Gifts

Child on a schedule.

"That's my mum and her boyfriend's the one next to my dad who's behind his girlfriend next to his second wife, just behind my mums first husband."

'Will you marry us?'

It's a new low! He's getting his mum to draw cows now!

Step Mom

'Guess what, Mom - Suzie and I just found out that we have the same ex-Dad!'

'He wanted a girl just like the girl who married his dad, instead, he got me!'

'Mom's Diner: your meal free if you wash all the dishes and take out the garbage.'

"Our training on managing a work life balance is running late so you'll need to get someone to pick your kids up."

"I'm dealing with tweens at home and fiends at work."

"As a blended family, we've learned to set limits. I limit myself to margaritas and he limits himself to mojitos."

"I'll clean my room when I want. I don't have to listen to you. You're just my step ladder."

"And Damien makes the cutest poop!""

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Father and son with matching beer crates.

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"We penguin fathers are the greatest!!!..."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

"Actually it's quite nice. It's just that I don't think I'm your dad."

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'The only game my Dad knows is playing possum.'

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

"The bagel’s from a previous marriage."

'My daughter made me a decoy for Father's Day. It would break her heart if I didn't use it.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

'They call them gifts, but they make you pay for them.'

Ugly sisters from Cinderella fighting

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'