Stepfather Gifts

"Oh yeah? Well my dad's child support payments are bigger than your dad's."

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'Now that we've got a new bull, is he the calf's stepfather?'

'I'm glad Mom married you, Dad, you're a stepfather in the right direction.'

'Mom & her new husband' and 'Pop & his live-in girlfriend'.

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

'They call them gifts, but they make you pay for them.'

"Don't think of me as your boss, Johnson. Think of me as your evil stepfather."

"This is the best Father's Day ever."

"Now that we've got a new bull, is he the calve's stepfather?"

"Dude, you saw your dad naked in the bathroom."

"That's my step father. He got me from a previous administration."

"Truth be told, you all have different daddies."

#1 DUD

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

Father and son with matching beer crates.

'You should give that to the milkman.'

'My daughter made me a decoy for Father's Day. It would break her heart if I didn't use it.'

'Punish us if you must, Dad, but who will you get to tie your shoe laces for you?'

'Okay, my stepfather, but do I need to honour my dad's 3rd wife? They were only married 90 days.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"We need a bigger place for my kids and his kids and our kids."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

You've always been like the father I never knew, although I have a father and I know him quite well

"...I think he makes a great father figure eight."

"...failing is ok."

"Actually it's quite nice. It's just that I don't think I'm your dad."

"What about instead of your stepdad, you just think of me as a 'gritty reboot'."

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"We penguin fathers are the greatest!!!..."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

'The only game my Dad knows is playing possum.'

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.