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"We need a bigger place for my kids and his kids and our kids."

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"The bagel’s from a previous marriage."

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Mother's Day: 2nd Sunday in May, Others Day: Every day before and after the 2nd Sunday in May.

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'

"Why do they tell us not to be childish? We're only nine!"

"And the lovely, little daughter understood her daddy was tired from harvesting people's personal data all day and went to sleep. The end."

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

'Get real, Larry!'

"Now that we've got a new bull, is he the calve's stepfather?"

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

'If at first you don't succeed, don't plan on moving back home.'

"If you're sending me home here are my mom's phone numbers plus blogs, instagram, twitter and snapchat accounts."

"I'll clean my room when I want. I don't have to listen to you. You're just my step ladder."

"Dad's working out car charging points if we want to visit grandad."

"Mommy want you to have everything she had when she was growing up."

"Can you hold that thought until I consult my new 'Excuses For Mom' app?"

"At least now when mom and dad fight it's quieter."

"He's at that awkward age when they can try him as an adult."

"I handled his last adventure. You take this one."

'We should've just dropped off our lists and taken our chances. But no, you had to bring a lawyer into the negotiations.'

"If you can't bond with him, at least 'like' him on social media."