Statism Pillows

"But wait. . . why would you do this to me. . . to Yourself."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'1,2,3 4,5,6 7,8,9...'It's the little things that count.(little figurines counting).

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Miss Pym, we've made a smaller loss than last year, order me a much larger desk.'

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

GPC needs to make its new formula foolproof.

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

He then drew a number of smaller pie charts behind the bigger chart. That helped to put it into perspective.

Gloat

John Venn Speaks...' Just don't include me in an of those diagrams, if you don't mind.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."