State Stereotype Fan Gifts

Alabama Traffic Jam

Hay Rides $10

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'Not a word to Alfred, but the spare bedroom is worth losing the fourteen pounds!'

"Dangnabit, Wilson! Where's that big campfire I asked for?"

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

"OSHA is going to hear about this!"

"Welcome to Alabama. Pro-life at birth; not so much after that."

Piorities in Minnesota.

"Help! It's a sprawling epic!"

"Sorry, Zak, since paintball aint bin invented yet, looks like you bin shot!"

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

Gunswinger

'You're going to have to stay confined to the bunkhouse for a week.'

Plumbers Workwear

'Honestly Fred, we're only here for the day trip.'

"This cream puff was owned by a little old lady who only settled on Sundays."

Cotton candy

"I reckon we've never met, but maybe you recognize my brother from last year's cattle drive!"

'Isn't that silly, Fluffy. The cowboy is talking to his horse.'

"I don't think the world is ready yet for a cowboy impersonator, Dolores."

"He's good, but he's no Donald Trump."

"Looks like the Nebr. GOP Governor's race is underway. . ."

They knew it was just a matter of time before he spilled the beans.

A simple guide to political right philosophy

'I hate to admit it, but I counted sheep all night.'

'This town ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"They don't really say 'mooo'. It's more of a low, doleful, 'uuummmmggghhh'. Go ahead, try it."

"I just want to apologize beforehand if you miss."

I.R.S.: 'Notice: The rumor that we have merged with homeland security is untrue!'