State Of The Union Celebration Gifts

I'm finally done celebrating the State of the Union address. What are you talking about? House of Java.net CyberCafe. Every year after the speech, I drive cross-country and date ladies from every region, and of every race, creed and color. It's my way of spending time with like-minded patriots to celebrate how we're all more similar than we are different. Whether you're in California, the deep south or far-off Hawaii, you're never more than a 2-hour drive from miniature golf. Think about that.

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

Bubbly

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

Constitutional Convention. We're behind schedule, everybody wanted to make a speech about the first amendment. For the second amendment, let's stick to bullet points. (Published previously on May 19, 2010).

'I'm just using this while my monster truck is in the shop.'

"Well, what are you doing after the millennium?"

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Joe Biden

You Are Now Entering Texas Think Big

Where the framers of the Constitution bought their frames.

'Nice barbecue, Normy!!'

Cuba united against blocking off the country

''Congress shall make no law'... now, I wonder what they meant by that...?'

Loose change fund: 'You get to keep whatever you can grab with one hand.'

"I'm finally done celebrating the recent election."

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

Sabrage

"Are you ready now for your "Bomb Surprise" dessert?"

Kane and Abe L.

Champagne fountain.

Trump Chia Pet

"Congratulations, Mrs. Roberts, you've changed my life."

"If you say Happy Moo Year one more time I'm going to have to slap you!"

'Of course I'm not the man you married. Ours was a same-sex union, remember?'

The Statue of Liberty is reading "The Bill of Rights" while Uncle Sam is reading "The Constitution of the U.S.A.".

"Hey, gang! Before this blast gets under way, would you all please stand for Whitney Houston's rendition of our national anthem?"

'I'm sorry... The President has declined your request for mercy, Mr Fekelson...'

Founding Fathers

'Yes, but is it the right thing to do?'

Dates

State of the Union: 2014 Valentine's Fairness Act.

"I think we just blew up the Mother of All Egos."