Starting Nursery School Gifts

"You'll be starting nursery school soon darling, so we need to have the sex, drugs and drink chat..."

'When do you teach them how to dress themselves?'

'I've got to go, Mom -- my playgroup called an emergency meeting.'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

'When I grow up, I want to be a hydraulic engineer...'

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'Does this have anything to do with Einstein's theory of relativity?'

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

"Abstract Expressionism is definitely right for me at this stage of my career."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'In school today, we learned about endangered species.'

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

Boy and girl at thier studies

"I'll bet all of Albert Einstein's teachers felt like idiots for giving him bad grades too."

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

Culture Saturday

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

Girl with smart phone enters door that says "Social Media Studies"

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'