Starting Nursery School Pillows

"You'll be starting nursery school soon darling, so we need to have the sex, drugs and drink chat..."

'When do you teach them how to dress themselves?'

'I've got to go, Mom -- my playgroup called an emergency meeting.'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

'When I grow up, I want to be a hydraulic engineer...'

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"Abstract Expressionism is definitely right for me at this stage of my career."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

'In school today, we learned about endangered species.'

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Girl with smart phone enters door that says "Social Media Studies"

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

Boy and girl at thier studies

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

Culture Saturday

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."