Starting Acting Career Pillows

'I'm a star!'

'Good lick with your future acting career. And just to give you an idea of how tough it is out there, here's a copy of 'Withnail and I'. The uncut version.'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

They hated me.

"Just be yourself."

Benedict Cumberbatch

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'They all want to play the star.'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'Hamlet'

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Comedy Cafe

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Applause. Clap clap bravo. Spring musical. Cats. You were terrific! Our little girl!

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Cut!

Theatre Masks and Butts

Joan Hickson

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Jack Gleeson

Steve McQueen

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

Reese Witherspoon

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"