Starting A University Job Gifts

'And our first question comes from . . .'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Killer Executive Suits.

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Carefree luggage.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Reach for the Star.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

Pipe Dream.

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Handbag store - "Perfect."

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

She was warned. Nethertheless she persisted.

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

Surfing the daily stress

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Make a lot of money."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

New Guy.

"Class of 2008, never let the excuse 'I can't find my pants' stand in the way of your dreams."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."