Start-up Fan Gifts

"Simpson, you promised you wouldn't tell anybody I turned down Bill Gates!"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"Global warming is a great icebreaker."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

'This is a nice car Mr...did you have it from new?'

Canine Comedians

A young boy sits behind a lemonade stand with a sign that reads "Lemonade 25¢ - Jay Antosh, Chief Executive Officer".

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

Jokes machine.

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

Hammer Thrower - "Let go of it!"

Biographies. Don Rickles for Dummies

Michael McIntyre.

"Fancy crashing at my pad later, babe?"

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

'I haven't been feeling funny lately doctor.'

Centaur Sprinter

'I was this close to the finish line and then somebody threw a stick!'

'Disqualified!... He did not yell 'Boing' when he jumped!'

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

'I believe you were first.'

"What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing."

There's a sky full of bloated women counting on you to produce a pro-biotic yoghurt like you've never produced before!

Still dazed...Lester is confused as to which came first, the chickens or the eggs?

Laugh Laff. If laughter is the best medicine, this guy's a placebo.

'They're halfway through the six-meter dash. At this pace, the winner should break the world record by at least 24 hours!'

Plastic Brits: 'Apprehend that fleetfooted alien and naturalise him for Team GB!'