Starstruck Supporter Pillows

'Hey,come on SIMON, DON'T go all shy now. It's not everyday you get the chance to meet your favourite Footballer in the flesh...'

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

Applause

'Boy, if you'd just stop roaming around, it would be easier to find you...'

Fan club

Hollywood cafe: celebrity in the house!

"Oh no, it's the Grim Streaker."

'Hollywood pharmacy: 'Thank you! Have a paparazzi - filled day!'

"There's nothing sick about liking to dress up in grandmother's clothing."

"You're early - trash day's not till thursday."

Barbra Streisand

'He's definitely not a top flite.'

Standup translator...

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

"They called him ‘weird’, they called him ‘creepy’, but now they’d call him Sheriff."

"I met someone famous today, but I don't think he'll remember me."

"If I'm collecting for one cause, I may as well collect for them all."

'Fair's fair - I'll only be Jennifer Lopez as long as you're Mel Gibson!'

'Sorry you're lost, but I'm a homing-pigeon: I can give you directions to my place, but that's about all...'

Meeting your Idol (Girl crying after meeting Lee Ryan from Blue).

"How come celebrities work hard all their lives to become known then wear dark glasses to avoid being recognised?"

"Ashes to ashes, stardust to stardust..."

"In the hat! In the hat!"

"Hey, man - a taser is not a heckle."

"So which HMO do you plan to join?"

'One is for me and one is for the poor souls on the Jersey Shore, Staten Island and New York city.'