Staring Contests Pillows

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Cat Show

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

"I want to set the world record for eating the most empanadas ever!"

'The employee who guesses closest to the correct number of beans in this jar will be awarded this year's annual pay increase! -Management, ATOZ Accountants

'Rhea of the Year.'

Dog Show. He was this close to winning a ribbon until they subtracted points for his breath.

'Take a picture...it'll last longer.'

It had taken a team of engineers at IBM over a decade and had cost more than 50 million dollars, but that nigh, when Eat-Bot 4000 finally broke the record for hot dogs in an hour, it was all worth it.

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

'Why did he cut the chicane - the giant spider isn't on the track, he's on our screen.'

"Spell 'flower'" "F-L-O-W-E-R" "Spell 'onomatopoeia'" "This contest is rigged"

Best in Heat.

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

"Well I don't think you do want to win this as much as I do."

"You just blinked — I saw you blink first. OK, again. Ready? Go!"

World Championship Sheepdog Trials.

'We did it, Dad! We won the heaviest frog award!'

'Congratulations on reaching the grand final, how does it feel to be the biggest loser of all time?'

'The contest brought in only twenty two wrappers...'

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

Dog show success

Man reading letter, 'You may already be a winner' about to step on rake.

I must say, that's the most pathetic bar promotion I've ever seen. Tuesdays! Wet Socks Contest!

Crufts "If you can read this you are too close"

Contest time. Mort and Sadie, our ornery octogenarians, have decided to rename Rudy's generation. Mort favors Generation I - for impatient. Sadie prefers Generation V - for virtual. Or vapid! What do you think? Please send your own ideas to asksadieshow@gmail.com. C'mon people, get thinkin'!

State Fair. Fun. You won a ribbon in the eating contest? What for? Honorable munchin'!

Bear in hotdog eating contest.

No soliciting - unless you're one of those sweepstakes

The Apprentice

America's Next Top Baby

'You are the unwisest man...goodbye.'