Standing Up At The Altar Pillows

"I was supposed to be at a wedding this afternoon. . ."

'The new lad's collecting shells again boss.'

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

"A glimpse into a cartoon character's dressing room..."

"Static cling."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

Parrot looking in mirror has feather headdress options.

'They go on a lot of picnics.'

L.A. Law

"HEY!" (Bird mistakes udder for a worm).

"Peace on earth. Goodwill to all men and who ordered the triple cheese with extra pepperoni?"

Standup... Nihilist

'Watch her, she's a whistle blower!'

The side effect of the standing desk craze.

The world is running out of water. The world is running out of water.

'What do you hear from the gaggle?'

'This show was filmed in front of a dead studio audience.'

"Hmmm... that's more like it!"

Passover wine - 'I will buy a decent cabaret next year.'

'Next semester, we're having art time after lunch.'

'Do we want a box of raisins? Mister, this is Halloween, not audition night at the comedy club!'

Seemed like just about everyone knew she wouldn't show.

'How much longer can I hold this pose?' (flower in vase being painted).

'A contact magazine-any contact magazine and hurry!'

Didn't you get my memo?

'He likes closed caption. He's deaf.'

"Instead of digging a hole to China, I've hired the Chinese to dig a hole to us."