Standardized Test Satirist Pillows

"Remember, there are 4 types of questions on the Advanced Placement tests: multiple choice, document based, essay and 'How would you like to drive big rigs for a living?'"

Ethics exam cheater.

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

"The figures would seem to indicate that you're not really a scientist."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

"Are you sure you're not just teaching to the test?"

Bachelors and Masters degrees.

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"Today we'll explore the origin of the cartoon universe. Also know as the 'Cartooniverse'."

Thomas Carlyle

"...And you get hazardous pay for study hall periods."

"We will demonstrate that climate change denial blogs cause further global warming."

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

Cash For Places - Penbroke College