Standardized Test Critic Pillows

"Are you sure you're not just teaching to the test?"

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"You'll never believe who's here."