Exam Critic Pillows

'Once again, you were right only fifty percent of the time. Have you considered a career as a TV weatherman?'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

No Elgar!

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'I really crammed last night.'

Four Types of Test-Takers...

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"It's not fair! I only got 100 on my English test!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

"We thought this was more realistic."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

Paper to boy: 'Did you forget something? I'm your take home test.'

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'