Stage Charmer T-Shirts

"If you don't strike oil in the first minute then stop boring."

Benny More

"Does my bum look big in this aria?"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

You're the olive in my martini

Mensa Does Improv

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

Ballet dancer.

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

Take a bow!

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

Business coach hiding in speach desk.

'We had to donwsize.'

Chekov play and scorecard,

'May I have the key to your heart?'

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

"Pie chart"

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

'I saw an offbeat play the other night. No one took off their clothes.'

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Performance In The Bedroom

"For my next trick, I'll require an audience."

TV stage door

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

Wordplay: Pantomime.

Actor talking to unimpressed child

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"Is there a rabbit in the house?"

"Returns"

Fat Man Viewing Pie Chart Thinks About Real Pie

Magic Accident