Stage Comedian T-Shirts

"This song is inspired by the time I fell down the tower stairs"

This next song is about facing your fears, which I'll be playing on the ukulele.

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"The Just Me Band"

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

Dance of the sugar plum tax attorneys.

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Zappo's Air Guitars.

An amplified harp

Magic Act

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

Musical Pipe

Three people playing on the same flute.

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

A family choir

"Tip my boy."

"I appreciate you have a real passion for music Mr Hibberd. . . but I can see you're going to struggle with the piano."

A musician bowing a tiny guitar

NOW HIRING, 'I don't have any formal training for the position, but I've read all the relevant Wikipedia articles.'