Stage Magician T-Shirts

"So, Dianne tells me you work in the realm of the explainable."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

Desert Island BBQ

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

"Steady. This is going to be so sweet."

Primitive magician

"I can't believe he brought her."

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

Noreldo, The Mental Marvel, Reads The Mind Of His Cat, Ned:

"I just need help getting the pit out."

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

Optical Illusion Supply Company.

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

I tried working with Houdini, but he wanted me to escape from a straight-jacket before jumping out of the hat...

Magicians hat being pulled out of a rabbit

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

Juggler and Illusionist

"Trust me. Don't do it."

Magic Tricks

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

Magic Tricks

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

"I've decided to add a little magic, so, everyone, say hello to my little friend."

'It's a common misconception, but it's always been three fishes.'

'I hate frisking magicians!'

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."