Stadium Security Pillows

A question you can't ask at a football game - 'Has anyone lost their keys?'

'Now, let's just say the fan in Row C, Seat 4, is on your case. You just punch the coordinates into the computer...'

UK border controls relaxed.

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'...You push the wrong button, and now, instead of our fans enjoying a fireworks display, we've got an international incident on our hands.'

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

Birds doing the 'wave'.

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

"I need a vacation. Everything is starting to smell like a bomb to me."

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'Welcome to America'

Airport traffic

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

'Due to budget cuts, all agents will now be equipped with x-ray glasses.'

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

'Since our stadium was built with taxpayer support, I regret to inform you that all incentive and signing bonuses must be returned.'

With the Inflatable Pocket Potty, you'll never have to wait in line again at the stadium.

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

'Oh great, who do you think's gonna have to clean that up.'

Soccer Fans.

Hawaiian Airways: No Ukulele playing beyond this point.

"I always thought you blokes were supposed to be impartial."

'Ssssssh! There it is again. Hear that? It sounds like a muffled scream.'

"The sniffer dog had found cocaine again."

Alfredo the knife thrower's first air trip.

Not expected to pass through Customs...

'If you lose my briefs you can answer to the Judge!'

'Wow...I've got to admit, Stanley...when you said you always got the best seats I thought you were just blowing smoke.'

'Not so fast, Louie -- this may be a trap...'

Sports area vendors.