Spousal Sparring Partner Pillows

"Boiled water. And you said I couldn't do it."

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

The Perfect Foil

When the Dalmatian ran away, he was spotted two blocks from home.

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

"Never marry an engineer."

"Then we agree. 10 minutes of your news, then 10 minutes of mine."

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Old Love

It's January. Do you know where your children are?

Academic Affairs: The Chair of Philosophy Corners the Chair of the Sciences

"The groceries are in the car."

Musical Fight

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"The beanbag chair, … do we take it out of the furniture budget or the art budget?"

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

Nature vs. Nietzsche.

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

"I can see future generations swallowing the 'talking serpent' part, but we need a more plausible forbidden fruit."

Department de Philosophie

"Not another gooseberry bush!"

THE GOLDMANS HIRE A MEDIA CONSULTANT.

Man and Women in a Boxing Ring

Trial by Viagra

'Space is not an issue: I'll just dig out a few more rooms...'

"O.K., that's settled. Larry gets the car and Barbara gets the parking space."

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

A poison pen fights a poison mic.

“We need eggs, milk, bread... Oh, and get an extra-large tub of outrage. We’re running low.”

"Give me a sporting chance, love ... pass me my wicket-keeping gloves."

'One pundit tonight is from a think tank, the other writes 'Books for Dummies'.'