Spotlight Stealer Fans Pillows

"Tee-Hee! Working like a charm!"

"I just love candle-lit dinners."

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

And the die is cast!

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

'I'm willing to relocate.'

The Great Sarcasmo

"Do you think solitude drives you insane?"

'Stealth broom.'

Dead animal toupee.

"If that's my mom tell her I'm at recess."

Last Chance for Saturated Fats Next 200 Mi.

Magician at vets with rabbit with no ears.

'Sit down, Dave. You're not impressing anyone with your new laser-eye treatment.'

Magic Book.

"Don't be too cocky, it's really not that hard to outsmart a chicken: The true test is to outsmart another fox..."

Distracted by the Senator's mesmerizing speech, Willard inadvertently pushes the wrong button.

For the community garage sale...

'I gotta be honest with you. . . I wouldn't be in business if it weren't for smart folks like you who can't pass up a bargain on stuff they don't need.'

It was the harshest job interviews Peter had ever attended...

Teddy organ grinder

'Stop that racket!'

Doctor with funny glasses to patient: 'We don't need a radiologist. My new x-ray glasses allow me to see right through you.'

'Well, the old saying: 'A fool and his money are easily parted' certainly isn't true!'

'Sometimes it's hard to take Chief Laughing Horse seriously.'

'Say 'Nessage in a gottle.' one more time and I'm putting you back in your box.'

'Robinson Crusoe discovers Friday's mobile'

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."

Snakecharmer and Soldier

The worst part about the end of a ninja convention is all the smoke bombs.

'Do they make me look thinner?'