Sports Stats Savant Gifts

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

"He left behind a wife, three kids, and the number one rated fantasy football quarterback."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Footballer and Bacteria.

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

He had finally calculated that the Cubs would win the Series.

Sporting World God: And on the seventh day he stitched up the television broadcast rights.

Footbalistas - A group of people passionately dedicated to the all-day broadcast of professional sports."

'Since Darwin said it's survival of the fittest, I thought I'd better take up an aerobic sport.'

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

"And you know, realistically, it's much safer than driving."

The Stat family

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

'He's okay otherwise, but I get sick and tired of hearing about his lifetime batting average of .325.'

Pitching guidelines

Man confusing man using statistics.

Jesus Saves

'Oh, I hate sport too, but I just love reading the statistics...'

José Mário dos Santos Mourinho Félix

Things get heated at the outing.

"He's having a terrific year - four dinosaurs, three brontosaurs, and five tyrannosaurs so far."

Bureau of statistics and probability

Database Ball.

"My client wants a fifty-per-cent salary boost, a bonus guarantee, and a snappy choreographed victory dance he can do after he makes a touchdown."

"The combined total of major-league batting averages was down three and a half points today. Outs outnumbered hits four to one, on a total of fourteen hundred at-bats."

'At first, fantasy football was a harmless hobby. Then i started to believe I really owned a tam and Eli Manning really was my quarterback....'

'See? Right there where the brain's supposed to be? Nothing but a head full of sports statistics.'

"Yes constable, a rising graph is often a good thing, but not when we're talking about the crime rate!"

Home wins/Road wins

'I had possession of the ball more than any other player. . . Yeah, it's my ball.'