Sports Stats Guru Prints

'At first, fantasy football was a harmless hobby. Then i started to believe I really owned a tam and Eli Manning really was my quarterback....'

"1-1"

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

Footballer and Bacteria.

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

'You reckon we should mosey this guy?'

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

He had finally calculated that the Cubs would win the Series.

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

Hair Style Menu

"He left behind a wife, three kids, and the number one rated fantasy football quarterback."

"Would you guys shut up and let me watch the game?"

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

You're just reading the stuff scrolling across the bottom...

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

'The sports seasons never end, now with all his fantasy leagues.'

'Just remember at the Olympics the finish line has become the bottom line.'

Pitching guidelines

'I think the guy in the black trunks is going to take a dive.' (he has Titanic tattoo on his chest).

"He's having a terrific year - four dinosaurs, three brontosaurs, and five tyrannosaurs so far."

'Oh, I hate sport too, but I just love reading the statistics...'

"We're updating stats for our fantasy football league."

F&E CPAs. There's about a month until taxes are due. I like our new business doing the tax returns for athletes. The tennis player is over the net income target he set. Capitol gains were earned by the Washington Nationals baseball player. What about the hockey player who only scores goals on deflections? Let's call it "tip income"! And the speed eater who consumes dozens of hot dogs in minutes? Well, that's "really gross income."

"May the best team win and could we please get through this game without some kind of controversy?"

Game Of Chance and Game of Skill.

He wasn't talking about baseball, Ernie ... He said "in the beginning", no "In the Big Inning".

We interrupt this game because our sponsor has just filed for bankruptcy.

'After much thought and consideration, I've decided to remain as coach of the team in order to spend less time with my family.'

Enough said.

"The combined total of major-league batting averages was down three and a half points today. Outs outnumbered hits four to one, on a total of fourteen hundred at-bats."

'See? Right there where the brain's supposed to be? Nothing but a head full of sports statistics.'

'Is it true that last year you earned more than the prime minister?'

Antonio Conte

"Goodness, Bert, can't you forget the Yankees for 14 days!"

Home wins/Road wins