Sports Stat Analyzer Prints

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"1-1"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Cricket Accidents.

The Other Cooperstown

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

Centaur Forward

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Wilfried Zaha

Footballer and Bacteria.

Basketball.

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'Nice tackle, Dewey! You knocked the fur ball out of him!'

Lost Season

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."