Sports Statistics Lover Prints

"The combined total of major-league batting averages was down three and a half points today. Outs outnumbered hits four to one, on a total of fourteen hundred at-bats."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Footballer and Bacteria.

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

Bank Robbery Statistics

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

Social median

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

"He left behind a wife, three kids, and the number one rated fantasy football quarterback."

The Stat family

"You'll be pleased to know you're making good progress - you've just become a statistic."

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

'He's okay otherwise, but I get sick and tired of hearing about his lifetime batting average of .325.'

Pitching guidelines

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

Man confusing man using statistics.

"He's having a terrific year - four dinosaurs, three brontosaurs, and five tyrannosaurs so far."

'Oh, I hate sport too, but I just love reading the statistics...'

"Mr Giles, when I recommended that investment to you, I was reading the wrong chart - a chart concerning home runs in the National League. But it didn't matter - the stock went up anyway."

Database Ball.

"Boring game today."

The Armageddon stakes.

'See? Right there where the brain's supposed to be? Nothing but a head full of sports statistics.'

Home wins/Road wins