Sports Statistics Gifts

"I just don't see how an index fund tied to batting averages in the National League actually works."

'Oh, I hate sport too, but I just love reading the statistics...'

"He left behind a wife, three kids, and the number one rated fantasy football quarterback."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

I like the Jets...I guess

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

Fear/Knowledge

Football Fans

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'My feet are killing me.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Holiday time.

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.