Sports Reporting Pillows

Local Basketball coverage: we don't miss a dribbleb

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

You can take the boy out of Wimbledon...

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Cricket Accidents.

The Other Cooperstown

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

No Baseball

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

Novak Djokovic

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

Centaur Forward

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

'...I don't like your chances!'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"Now that you've won the Super Bowl what will you do next?"

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Football Crazy strip six

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'