Sports Fan With A Sense Of Irony Mugs

'It never fails... The race gets into the final stretch and the two leaders go negative.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Alternative fielding positions

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

I like what I'm seein' out there. This could be our year Wikowski.

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

Thanksgiving Game Highlights

'...Do the Hokey-Pokey and turn yourselves around...'

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

Wake us up when the Olympics are over...

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

'What do we think? We think it's foolish to skip obedience school and go straight to the NBS...'

The Washington Arbitrators

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."

'... and I almost want to thank my pharmacist.'

Modern Football

'Quick! The NINE iron!!'

'Good morning, class. I am Mr. Penny and will be your coach today. I expect you to behave - no running and jumping!'