Sports Desirer Pillows

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

I like the Jets...I guess

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

Football Chameleon

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Mixed Doubles.

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

A day at the transgenic races

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Saving a Heart

Ratminton

"How should we divide the teams?"

Gary turns 40.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes