Sports Debaters Pillows

"I'm probably in the minority, but I would've loved to see Mantle on steroids."

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

Changing Minds

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

The Boys of Indian Summer

"...And don't give me that 'I hope his precious little Blackhawks lose' look either!"

'The opinions expressed by Burt are not necessarily those of Ernie.'

"I've had enough of character building, Dad. Can I support a successful team now?"

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

Meet Larry; tenor, baritone, philosopher, social commentator, sport analyst, political expert, relationship expert … and A+ certified plumber.

'I heard a rumour that Age Concern may stump up some sponsorship.'

"I don't know where his dip in form came from."

'But I don't mean to bite people...they just get caught in my teeth.'

'You got a problem with that call? Do ya, Coach? Well I call 'em the way I see 'em!'

Mud Slinging

Sometimes it takes me a little while to adjust!

"Advantage, Mom."

'Billy, I'm not going to argue the semantics of biting. Whether or not you penetrated skin, I'm calling your mother.'

'Where's the evidence keeping us out?'

"In my day, if you colluded with anyone, Dad went for his belt."

'We just can't seem to keep it clean. . .'

"Why is this quarterback still playing?"

'I don't get it. How can you say Leno is better than Letterman?'

'I'm sure that last ball was lbw.'

'The fish and chips are very nice.'

'It isn't football hooliganism, it's a cultural clash.'

Tonight's Discussion: Can a sports team owner be forced to sell due to overheard racial remarks?

"Banning A-Rod for the entire season is tragic. However, banning him for the postseason might be a good omen."

"You're right, the England squad are taking a long time in that scrum"

'Oh stop, Harold! You're having an argument at home, not at the ball park!'

I'm part of a pilot project to further curb military spending