Sports Commentator Connoisseur Gifts

'Bloody Cheek, that Gayle fellow criticising test cricket.'

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

I think you're ace

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

Kenny Dalglish

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Tennis ball girl.

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

Ok, ok, maybe you guys are right - maybe I do have a concussion.

American Football.

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'