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"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."

C'mon, give him the old 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 combo.

'Harold has a difficult time accepting constructive criticism.'

'OK, don't listen to me. Brush him back from the plate...'

Football anagrams(Did vain goal.). Answer: David Ginola.

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Alternative fielding positions

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

Golf Hole at bottom of lake.

Ok, ok, maybe you guys are right - maybe I do have a concussion.

Pole Vault Rules

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

Footballer kicking his own brain.

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'Five seconds! ...Four ...Three ...Two ...One ...SPRING!!'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

Glenn Hoddle

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport

Captain Ahab and Moby Dick in Retirement

'...And Timmy, as usual, will guard goal.'

Golf escape.

'In this...um...part of the circle...'

"Twenty seven shots, first hole. I think we'll call that a dodo."