Sporting Eccentric Pillows

Brian McMahon's hobby? Being hit by as many pro golfers as possible.

'But I digress...'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Use your imagination.

Newt sale

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

Boomerang cow.

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

Man indignant at having caught no fish

"Must you use the cat's litter box to practice your sand trap swing?"

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

'Don't you ever knock?'

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

Skier.

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

'Dr. Nackschmerz has a very logical mind.' - 'Yes - in contrast to his body.'

"Hmm, offhand, I'd say you have a nasty case of tennis elbow!"

'What the . . . no wonder we can't gain any yards. We've been fitted with radio collars...'

"Your serve is basically good, it's just you're doing something funny right at the very end."

A Lovely Afternoon of Crazy Golf

A Macaroni in 1773

"Just the, two recruiters from the college's awning leap team drove by."

"Come at me, Bro!"

How Platypuses Are Born

"He's nuts. She's nuts. All three young ones are nuts. The dog is nuts. And the old lady upstairs is nuts, too."

Tom Waits.

'First the good news: he has 3 excellent legs.'

How was your college tour? Good. Now I need straight A's and 375 extracurriculars to get in. You're exaggerating. Easy for you to say. You've got a 4.0. Yeah, but

"Arrr! Hooked it again!"

'...Joseph A.Peabody seeks out devious methods to add new excitement to his life.'